Highlights
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Think about teams where it can take weeks, months, or years to honestly address the elephants in the room. What happens in the absence of candid dialogue? Contention. Resentment. Gamesmanship. Poor decisions. Spotty execution. Missed opportunities.
Location 205
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When it comes to Crucial Conversations, you have only two choices: 1. Talk it out. 2. Act it out. If you fail to discuss issues you have with your boss, your life partner, your neighbor, or your peer, will those issues magically disappear? No. Instead, they will become the lens you see the other person through. And how you see always shows up in how you act. Your resentment will show up in how you treat the other person. For instance, you’ll snap at the person, spend less time with him or her, be quicker to accuse the person of dishonesty or selfishness, or withhold information or affection. The problem will persist, and acting out your feelings instead of talking them out will add strain to an already crucial situation. The longer the lag time during which you act out your feelings rather than talk them out, the more damage you’ll do to both relationships and results.
Location 229
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When we feel a need to justify our ineffective behavior or disconnect ourselves from our bad results, we tend to tell our stories in three very predictable ways. Learn what the three are and how to counteract them, and you can take control of your emotional life.
Location 1423
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Victim Stories—“It’s Not My Fault”
Location 1426
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Villain Stories—“It’s All Your Fault”
Location 1439
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Helpless Stories—“There’s Nothing Else I Can Do”
Location 1461